Changing my life one day at a time

Ok everyone-so its Monday and I'm determined to have a great week! So I'm going to confess my sins of the past week and then put it behind me. Last week I didn't do one minute of exercise. Not one stinkin minute. I ate ok... but didn't count calories or read any labels. There. Now that I've put that out in the open I'm going to say that this week will be better. I started out this morning with a nice bowl of oatmeal. So I already feel like I've made at least one good choice today.

I then stopped at Starbucks (I can not resist the Christmas cups. I simply can not.) I had a grande peppermint mocha. If I did not get this drink I would have a horrible headache right now. I am so addicted to caffeine. I wish I could kick this habit... and trust me I'm going to try-but for now here it is to stay. It is one of the few things that brings me joy on my morning commute. Did I ever mention that my morning commute can take anywhere from 45 minutes-2 hours? Yep. I'm in the car an extremely long time. Because of this I can hardly begrudge myself one little pleasure. But really I should try and limit it or find a smaller calorie option. In New York on the subways they have these anti-obesity ads. They say "Don't drink your calories" or something like that but the picture is really gross. Its a picture of a "snapple-looking" bottle pouring actual fat in to a glass. I try and picture that image when I want a snapple and it works. But when I want a Starbucks no lard in a cup image will stop me.

I'm trying to get back on the band wagon this week... so my goal for the rest of the year is to lose twenty pounds by the time I go home for Christmas. I know this is pretty realistic/tough to do in a little over a months time-but really it is all that I want for my Birthday and for Christmas. My dear friend Heidi offered to help me do a little shopping for clothing that is easy to alter as I lose weight. I'm so excited and looking forward to shopping with her when I'm home for Christmas. I really have the most supportive friends! I'm so thankful for all of you. A few shouts out are in order. Since it is Thanksgiving time I'd like to say I'm thankful for the following:

Sophie for getting her self up extra early and encouraging me to go for a nice walk/jog. She pushed me to run the 5K in June with her and really motivated me every step of the way.

Allison for her daily reminders to work out and for all of the other helpful healthy advice she gives me.

Heidi for constantly encouraging me and really making me feel loved.

Heather for pushing me and motivating me in so many cute ways.

Deanna for being my partner in this weight loss journey. She has committed to join me in my 20 pounds by Christmas challenge!

You girls are so wonderful. I'm so very lucky to have all of you. I'm also thankful for my dear sweet Johnny. He is really learning how to be supportive in my weight loss (in ways that work for me). I love him with all of my heart.

There is so much life to celebrate-I don't want it to pass me by because I'm too fat to enjoy it. Have a great week!

I'll tell you my dirty little secret...

My secret (soon to not be so secret) addiction is chocolate chip cookie dough. I love it so much. To me it is one of the best treats you can ever have. I don't just buy the cheap cookie dough packages... I buy the Whole Foods bakery made frozen cookie dough. I love to keep it in my freezer and snack on a piece of frozen chocolate chip cookie dough whenever I get the urge. John and I have gotten in to medium sized fights over my consumption of cookie dough.

The first fight started because he asked me to make him some cookies using my cookie dough. I told him that the dough in my freezer was not for cooking and I could not make him any cookies. He didn't press me so I thought he gave up. A few days later he asked me the question again. I said oh honey... I told you that dough isn't for cooking. He got a little defensive and said, "Babe, I checked on the package-you can cook them"! He was so serious. I about died laughing. When the chuckling died down I said, "Well of course you can cook them... but I don't. Did you really think that the dough wasn't for cooking"? LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH. I took it too far with this... and John got mad because I had made a fool of him. I kept laughing and he got grumpy. He then proceeded to give me a very important informational discussion about how eating raw cookie dough can give you ecoli or make you really sick. I continued to be a smart ass and told him that I hoped I got ecoli from eating raw cookie dough so that I could lose weight. This theory really makes raw cookie dough a diet friendly food.

Ok so I know the dangers of eating raw eggs are very real... but it is certainly not enough to scare me away from eating raw cookie dough. In fact this post is really only making me crave more cookie dough.  So I went out a couple of days ago and I bought some frozen cookie dough. I know I really shouldn't keep it in the house but I went for it.

After much thought I really think I need to cut out the cookie dough. Eating some of the raw dough alone in my room at night I realized that I was behaving like a crack addict. I was hiding the container in my freezer so John wouldn't see it and I found myself only eating alone.

Why is this little habit so addicting? Do you have habits that are sabotaging your weight loss goals and making you feel like you are hiding something? If I give up eating raw cookie dough... what will you give up?

Oh my Ouch!

Let me ask you something... do you hate yourself? Do you want to punish your body? If the answer to either of those questions is yes-you should do the Bob Harper Inside Out Cardio. My arms are screaming... my legs are crying. They just barely shopped shaking. Today was much better than yesterday. I am really enjoying the yummy apples that I picked from a local orchard. It is so nice to have fresh fruit in the house.

This is me and my cousin Lisa about 7 years ago... I was kinda skinny!

I'm really trying to change my way of thinking. While I'm still not making 100% healthy eating choices I do feel like I am making better choices than I was about a week ago. Its the baby steps after all. I found this picture in my email a couple days ago and it reminded me of a time in my life where I was working out and eating healthy. I felt so good about myself I don't know what happened... but I didn't keep it up. I'm hoping to figure out why I stopped, because as I lose my weight I want to keep it off! 

I am not going to weigh myself this week. While I am very tempted I was advised to wait one more week. I think this is good advice because the first week can be a little misleading. I am about to embark on one of the craziest weeks at work and I am stressed out just thinking about it. While I'm going to be very busy and stressed this week I know it will be hard to keep up with my work outs. I'm hoping that wearing my tennis shoes to work will encourage me to "run" at work. During the Open I actually walked ten miles in one day. 

Another great quote for today, "Happiness is a warm puppy". -Charles Shultz

Abbey is my happiness. 

Quickie...

Hey guys-just a quickie today. I had a rough day... a really rough day. I struggle with depression and today it hit an all time low. I can't explain it only that it sometimes comes on so suddenly and there is absolutely nothing I can do. Today I actually felt the darkness come over me and I lost all motivation for living. I know that isn't a good thing to say out loud but its true. I know that exercise will help but today I was so tired I slept in through my alarm. I just don't have it in me today to do a work out. I know I should but I guess its ok to have an "off" day. I'm certainly hoping to get up tomorrow and start all over. I hope you had better luck than I did. Any motivational words from the Internet?