I was asked the other day for my blog address. I was embarrassed to tell the inquisitor because I knew that I hadn't updated in quite a while... I started thinking about all of the reasons that I have fallen off the wagon. It all comes down to excuses. I am so damn tired of the excuses that I make for myself. Here is a list of the top ten excuses that I've made:
1. I'm too tired! Sleep is more important than getting up and working out.
2. Its too hot, I can't possibly exert myself in this heat. (This excuse can also work for it being "too cold".)
3. I'll start on Monday! I can't possibly start a fitness regime on a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Cause you know, if I do the world may end.
4. I need to buy a new outfit to work out in... that will encourage me-oh look at those pretty shoes...
5. I'm too depressed to work out. (Damnit, I hate this one! I suffer from depression-but I am proud to say I was able to go off of my meds, by promising my doc that I would work out regularly... oops) This one really pisses me off to no end. I'll tell you why...I know full well that by only doing ten minutes of exercise I will improve my mood dramatically... but when you are feeling depressed it can be nearly impossible to motivate yourself.
6. My ankle/foot is killing me... I better stay off of it.
7. I don't have time... too much to do.
8. I can't work out if I'm not eating healthy, and I need to go and buy a bunch of health food first.
9. Nothing sounds fun! I need to buy a new workout dvd, and then I'll work out. (I currently own about 30, not to mention all of the free ones you can find online.)
10. I need a buddy and then I'll start.
Grrr! I'm so annoyed with myself. I hate being fat. Like- I seriously hate it. I don't identify myself as being fat, and if I could avoid mirrors for the rest of my life I'd probably live in denial. It is very rare for me to sit around and think about how fat I am. In most cases I find myself to be very flirtatious, out going, and bubbly. It is only after these interactions that I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think-yuck! The other time I am reminded of my size is during sex. When I'm naked I feel disgusting, I can't hide my body and I feel very self conscious. I am lucky to say that I married a man that loves my body, thinks I'm beautiful, and has learned the "right" and "wrong" things to say to me when I'm this vulnerable, but it doesn't stop me from feeling so unsexy. :(
So what can I do? I've fallen off that damn wagon so many times, and each time I get back on I try and convince myself that this time will be different. How can it be different? What do I need to change to make this time stick? I'm tired of wiping off the wagon wheel marks on my back. I want this time to be different. I know that I say this every time, but seriously-HELP! I have to lose weight. I want to be a mommy so bad but my body is telling me.... NOOOOOO! :( I have to get healthy. So spill it friends... what motivated you to get on the the band wagon and stay on...
I had to join WW. Paying the money each month and having a weekly weigh is helping me. I also never weighed or measured my food. I now eat a cup of pasta and dole it out 1/2 C portions so I can come back for seconds. Each day you are able to eat better and exercise consider it a small victory. Over time it will add up to success. I am pulling for you!
ReplyDeleteCan I say I completely understand how you feel! I get tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the rolls and staring at the cellulite on my calves! YUCK!
ReplyDeleteStrange that since going off birth control, I've discovered my depression and mood swings have actually gotten worse, and I'm finding it harder and harder to avoid those dark days?
So in a moment of crazy desperation, I signed up for a mini-triathlon. Can you say CRAZY?!
I despise running!! So why on earth would I commit myself to a grueling day of torture and 14 weeks of hell getting ready for it?
Because I'm tired of being told I can't do something difficult for me. I was tired of hearing at work that I shouldn't be lifting boxes because I'm weak. I was tired of my own brain telling me that I could never do this or that or something else. I was also tired of looking at the lumpy person in the mirror...
So I did it. I paid the money (which is not refundable unless you have a doctor's note saying you can't participate) and I started training, with the motivation that I didn't want to be found dying on the side of the course during the event - and that I just wanted to finish.
It's been tough and has taken a lot of sacrifice, but it's been worth it. I'm not saying that you should do the same, but you need to find something that truly pushes you, something that keeps you going. And only you can decide that.
Remember you have to take it in baby steps. If I want something fatty and greasy, I will allow it once in a while. If I'm too tired to go the full 35 minutes, I will only make myself go 25. As long as you keep trying, you will get there eventually.
I believe in you, Jess! And you are that fun, bubbly girl who brightens those around you. One step at a time, girl, and you just keep on keeping on!!